04.01.2026

hello again neocities friends… 🐳im back again. also i really need to make more journal entries i feel like i never update yall 🤦‍♂️️ im sorry!!
so, im super close to graduating high school. just a little under two more months. i made my website in the first few weeks of my junior year… that makes me smile a bit. so yes, the question now is: WHERE AM I GOING? so i want to give you guys a big long list of all of my decisions:

at the moment ive been accepted to:

  • hofstra university
  • seton hall university
  • fordham university
  • university of washington (udub)
  • CSULB
  • SDSU
  • UC san diego
  • NYU
  • occidental college
  • pitzer college
  • rutgers university
  • university of puget sound
  • university of redlands
  • loyola marymount university

    • ive been waitlisted at:

  • northeastern
  • vassar
  • college of the holy cross
  • duke kunshan

    • and i was rejected from:

  • questbridge
  • columbia
  • USC
  • boston university
  • boston college
  • UC berkeley
  • UCLA
  • emory university
  • princeton
  • northwestern
  • tufts
  • duke
  • pomona
  • risd

    • so, thats my final results. am i particularly happy? not really. i feel like for a few of the reach schools i applied to i actually had a chance, like boston university, so im a bit frustrated about getting rejected from there, or pomona, which ive had demonstrated interest with for a long time, + virtual fly-in, etc. meanwhile, i did get into SOME reaches, but theyre all ones im not interested in, which is the most frustrating part. like nyu shanghai bro. im not going to shanghai
    so for now, im not super sure about where i’ll go, but to be honest, i am thinking pitzer. the problem is that my mom doesn’t really like it… even though shes never gone anywhere near there☠️ but theyre actually my cheapest option, and if you know colleges well, pitzer is a really good school.
    if not, ill have to either go to fordham (which i do like a whole lot, but ill have to pay around $50k) or somehow if my mom becomes a millionaire go to university of washington. i love udub SO much and my mom also really like its but there’s really not a way we can afford it…
    so yeah thats where college is at right now. in the next few weeks ill hopefully be committed to a school!
    outside of that… ive been feeling all different types of emotions. now that i don’t have much work anymore (at least atm) ive been able to do other things. HOWEVER i also have to stay at school under 6pm every day because my brother does an after school activity, so i just sit in the library for hours, and oh my god it gets so freaking boring…. of course i don’t mind being left alone, but i get contamination ocd pretty badly at school so i just sit there feeling disgusting and i dont really ever feel comfortable 😖
    also it hurts my heart a bit because i do have more free time than i did any other time this year but i don’t feel motivated to do anything. i have been a bit depressed. every day i go home and most times i just shower, sit down and play genshin until i go to bed. my reasoning is that i dont really sit down until 7:30-8pm, and on any other day that is the time where i tend to wind down, so i don’t want to do anything else because it feels like im somehow running out of time. ive had this feeling forever but it sucks so i just devote myself to one thing a night and don’t tend to change to any other activity. but i also want to draw, i want to read, etc… so then i get frustrated because i never end up doing more than one thing each night and it feels like years pass before im at home the next day.
    so that translates to: a lot of yearning. actually recently i have yearning so strongly for kazuha… i don’t know why… like the other day one of my friends mentioned him and then i had all of these memories come back of how i used to loveee kazuha x aether and now im ALL up in it again 😭😭 like YESSS RIGHT omfg they love eachother…. and now i just think of them so often… and kazuha especially… his personality is so much of what i like 🤤 caring… thoughtful. soft spoken… like damn why didn’t i realize how fine he was earlier. so ive become a little obsessed with him… and ive been reading a lot of fics (specifically chinese for some reason… it appears that they really like kazuther) sooo yeah.
    anyway i really want to start drawing again and it feels like i just need to relearn all the basics 😢 pretty much every day this month ive thought about drawing, but i can never even open my notebook or get a pencil. its almost like i am scared of what i will see (or not see). i did try yesterday though, so i hope that the damn is breaking….

    its giving tiktok😵‍💫this is my most primitive form of drawing… its like what my hand is trained to do. its not my style. where’s my realism…. so that’s where im at right now. just figuring out how to draw again. that’s about all i have to say for my life right now…