6.23.2026

summer is here, and somehow my favorite month (june) has already reached the end... everything is feeling way too fast and i know that july is going to go by 10x faster. ive been trying not to feel as depressed abt that, but.. something something quote like freedom is man's greatest enemy or something. so there's a couple things i want to talk about:

1. stream
so i actually started doing one of my dream hobbies which is becoming a content creator/streamer. i started streaming on twitch and on youtube!! i've only done two streams so far and i don't really know what im doing yet but im doing it... i stream with a vtuber model. imo its actually been going very well so far, in my first stream i got three concurrent viewers, and in my two streams i have had 9 unique chatters. for doing literally 0 promo and only having like 1 social account (twitter)... i feel like its not super bad! i actually had a chatter stay for over an hour on my recent stream and we talked for awhile and idk i just am so happy like i am really excited to continue! i have always wanted to make my voice bigger and talk about things that are important and interesting to me so plz wish me luck! i think i'll make genshin videos and also im just playing geoguessr

2. job
my next big problem, i literally cannot get a job. i've applied to like 13 so far, and rejected from 3. that's the biggest problem which is just that i HAVEN'T HEARD BACK from any of them and i'm too scared of calling on the phone so i haven't called anyone yet. i can't even call some of them bcs they're government jobs! i'm actually really insecure about not being able to find a job but i also don't super want a job, yeah i know... no it's just that i feel like my social anxiety is fucking with me bcs its summertime and i have no one to talk to/i don't interact with anyone. so i think if i had friends and if i went out everyday, i'd feel better. but i STILL don't have my drivers license, oh my god faaaaahhhhhh i hate my life, yeah. no license. and no job. i'm applying to jobs in seattle too months before i move in like that's how bad it is...

3. vacation
i'm going on vacation soon to seattle. i have mixed feelings about it, i actually really am excited to go back but my mom keeps talking abt how we literally have no money and it just stresses me out. like i don't want to go on vacation if nobody has any money... also we're gonna be there for 8 days, i can't ski bcs its not in season and we're staying over an hour away from seattle so everyday i have to ride with everyone into the city. and oh my god everyone wakes up so late so i'd have to sit doing nothing until like 12pm !!!!! anyway. no i am excited like i want to get to know the city im moving to better. but, i also have to start packing some stuff when i go.. which sets in the reality that i am going to college. #sad. im nervous and a little scared. but im also so happy to get tf away from my neurotic family.

4. hack club
one of the other things i'm doing this summer is hack club. basically every hour i code is an hour towards a 'hackathon'. i originally chose one in sydney, but i couldn't afford the ticket and if i wanted the ticket to be covered i'd have to code for almost 200 hours... which i just can't do. i would've loved to, but i just can't, and it was really difficult to figure out financials and i didn't feel comfortable covering the bill of over 1k. so instead i went for toronto, because my best friend lives there and i would like to suprise her... plus price is much cheaper! anyway i need to code more and more. but i just don't want to do it half the time. so.
so the consensus is I NEED TO DRIVE. I HATE DRIVING IM SO SCARED OF IT if you go through my journal you'll see i literally started this shit in like jan 2025 🫩😭😭 oh my godddd oh my goddd anyway. another thing that makes me sad is that everything has been making me so mad. my phone makes me so mad! everyone online is arguing, everyone is making up things, nobody can read! idk. im sure many of you all feel this way, but i recently have been having a really hard time not letting it get to me. especially when it comes to... really wrong things!! like even on youtube i found a bunch of people defending liking drawings of... children! like! omg i just want to throw my phone AWAY but unfourtunately i like making tiktok videos and i like watching youtube.

anyway my twins love you and remidn me to code thank you