does anybody else miss reading? because i do. in fact, i wish i missed it a lot more than i do right now. i wish i had some sort of yearning for it, but it feels like with the last few years, i really haven't had any desire... and it makes me very sad.
when i was younger, reading was i would do. i could read a 300+ page book in a day if i liked it enough. i took care in my books, i consistently went to library and would check out 10+ at a time. (a lot of that was the soul eater collection my library had... womp womp) but reading was a way for me to gain new ideas. to see things outside of myself. now, every second i read, is a second of FOMO, or a second of not doing my work. and its heinous, because the older i get, the more i understand this lack of ability to be present in the world that i'm already in. time and time again i will be in a place without my phone, for a brief moment in time, and realize that there really is a world outside of the things i think about on my phone.
now, i don't think that specific thought affects me as much as it might others...i have a pretty decent boundary with myself and the time i spend online. but even just spending 30 minutes on twitter in this age a day.. it is harmful. you have to remind yourself of the human that exists in each action you take; like a film between the background noise of a youtube video while cleaning vs... a walk. by yourself. with no music or podcasts. i think that is such a significant wedge between me, and my desire of reading. because reading takes effort-- effort to understand the words, understand the point of it all.. right now, im reading "ceremony" by leslie marmon silko for my humanities class. i really like this book, it reminds me of ocean vuong's works. it makes me sad, it makes me empathize, it makes me question others actions. and when i set the book down for the day, i get this feeling inside of me-- as i always do after reading for a long time or finishing a book. i would like to think that everyone else who reads gets it too. but it is that almost intrinsic feeling to think a little bit more ... to be more present. to move throughout the rest of the day with more purpose. and i think that, above all else, is one of the greatest gifts reading can give. and after not reading for awhile, it is so easy to lose that feelingm and to regard it as not so important.
i know this is an endless long winded rant ... but i hope there are others who also wish they read more besides me. it is a great gift, and also something i have not done since i was a freshman. it feels as if the older i get, there really is time for nothing, if its not an assignment. and when there is, its really rather frightening. because by doing so, im missing something else...the endless other medias that i have not yet finished consuming-- its overwhelming !!! anyway... maybe i'll polish this... but i hope you read 😓.